Dad, pt. 1

I have been trying to start the chapter about my Dad, Carl Nericcio. There is so much to say, that I've decided to do it in small parts.

As some of you might know, he passed away a few years ago just after his birthday, at the age of 88. It was the closing weekend of Devotion 2008.

This morning as I was sorting through some of his things, I came across his driver's license and a hand written combination to a lock. I decided to use them to start an ancestor altar in my house. As I was setting it up, the thought came to me, "I wish we could try again, so I could weather the storm with you."

Our relationship was fractured, due to lots of things that will come to light in future posts. But suffice to say that when I was a child I was confused by his temper. Ever the Capricorn, I kept trying to figure out the pattern to his outbursts, so could stay out of the way. But there was no pattern, he was like a ball, ricocheting off any surface. There was no way to stay out of the way. It took more than 30 years for me to realize that he wasn't angry at me, (the ego gets involved even when it would be less painful to stay out of it!) he was just angry.

I try to live my life without regrets. I don't spend time wishing things could be different. But this morning I wanted to be able to go back in time, to a moment when he was raging and just stand there with him. If I could just put my little-girl hand into his and smile at him without being afraid or running away. Just be there to weather the storm.

this is rich, pt.2

Some of you will remember my post "This is Rich." from Dec 09.
The DMV had changed the name of my city from South San Francisco to Linderville. It was time for my license to be renewed, but to go through the proper channels, i.e., via the mail, would take so long that my license would expire before I received it. So, after an exasperating yet ultimately entertaining phone call with a clerk who patiently explained that I had three options (1. renew by mail with the address change and let the license expire in the process, 2. renew by internet and have the wrong city name, or 3. go to a DMV office -the only appt available was 4:30pm on Xmas eve, my birthday and not the best time to be in downtown San Francisco!) She didn't seem to share in the irony that none of the options were viable.
So, I decided to just renew by internet to keep the license from expiring...and it did indeed come back listing Linderville, CA as my city.
Just for amusement, I checked to see where Linderville, CA is...and there is no such place.
OK, the zip code is correct so no matter.

On to today's fiasco. I am currently on hold with Expedia. On 9 Mar 2010 I booked a ticket for my trip to Barcelona 28 Apr where I am performing and teaching a Tribal:Pura event for Mandragora Tribal. Over the course of the last month Expedia has contacted me several times about "changes to the itinerary." Each time there was a glitch in communication btwn Expedia and Iberia Airlines. Each time it was worked out. Last week however, I was told that my Iberia flight had been canceled because they had not received funds.
Huh, funny that I have a copy of my credit card statement showing full payment to Iberia on 9 Mar. And, the American Airlines flight from SFO to NY is still intact. Huh.
As my sponsor, Maria, and I struggled to find another flight to Spain, I received another "urgent message' from Expedia telling me that the SF-NY flight had been canceled as well. No reason given. Just gone. Poof!
One has to assume that the plume of volcanic ash emanating from Iceland had something to do with it (and I do feel for the people left stranded, I assume my flights were shanghaied for the common good.) But apparently, the flights available through Expedia, and one would assume the other on-line travel agencies, are not in fact confirmed when the suck the funds out of your account. I think they are virtual assignments that pend on junk flights that the airlines cannot fill at the last minute. They just keep rerouting, canceling and re-booking them until you either do or don't get on the plane.
In other words, they can take them back without reason. Poof!
OK, just got off the phone with the chirpy clerk at Expedia. They have issued a full refund (to be processed over the next two billing cycles...)
Maria and are still looking for a flight to get me there next Thu for the event Fri-Sun.
Wish me luck. Don't buy from Expedia.
Maria

help me write my book

Dear readers,
This blog is intended as a sounding board/sketch pad for my book, "FatChanceBellyDance, the making of American Tribal Style Belly Dance."
I'm trying to get used to organizing my thoughts and putting them to the keyboard on a regular (well, sort of regular) basis.
I'm having fun dallying around with topics, but I really need to get more focused.
Here's where you come in, as the potential readers of said book, what would you like to know?
Remember, it's not a how-to about steps and dancing, it's about my crazy life and how I ended up creating ATS.
So, let me know what you are curious about, what topics are of interest to you, whatever comes to mind.
This post can serve as the first outline, we'll all work together. You give me a topic, and I'll write and essay in response.
Ready...set...GO!

Saying good-by to an old friend

A few weeks ago, Ruby passed away. He was the most awesome house cat ever. He lived with Devi Mamak and her family in my favorite place, the Blue Mountains, Australia.
I met Ruby several years ago when I began my Aussie odyssey. Already an old man, he ruled the house with a velvet paw. He held court in his basket in the living room. Everyone that walked through was drawn to "make puja", stoop down to pet him before going on to the next task. He took all of this in stride, never lording it over us. He had a special physical characteristic, a missing a canine, so that his lip would often hook on his gum as if he were sneering, Elvis style.
I especially loved mornings. Each day Anthony, Devi's husband, the "man of the house" would make porridge for all of us. During this process Ruby would take the opportunity to make his needs known. He would stretch his arms up and "Meow" for his breakfast. Anthony would fill his bowl, but ever the optimist Ruby would continue to "Meow" for another morsel. Anthony would conclude this session with, "That's it Rubes, no more." At which point Ruby would counter with an "Ack!" and finally walk away.
But perhaps the best episode was one evening when Anthony elected to take the kids, Kalon and Dea, to their Yaya's house so we three teachers could have the night to ourselves after a long workshop weekend.
Moments after they left we heard a "thump' at the back door. When we opened the door we were treated to a dead rat. Including the tail the rodent was larger than the one-canine Ruby.
It was as if he were saying, "Ladies, the man of the house may have left but I am here to protect you. Here is a rat as proof."
I have never felt so cared for and protected. I will miss my friend, Ruby. May he rest in peace and always have the warmest bed and the most breakfast treats.

Sleep in the middle of the bed

A few years ago, I made the decision to become single, again. This seems to be an on-going game of mine. I think I want a committed relationship, find a victim and push for matrimony. Then, when things start moving in towards the goal, I panic and run away. I think there are self-help books on the subject, but I don't want to read them. This time I finally realized that it was time to look at my behavior and possible desire to live alone.
After all, over the years I have acquired my own house, have a solo business which provides income that is deposited into my personal bank account and am quite capable of entertaining myself. I am, I realized, very happy on my own and can meet my own needs.
One thing though, I was concerned about flipping the mattress. When I had a partner there was someone on the other side of the bed. Now I sleep on the left side of the bed out of habit and ostensibly to be near the table that hold my books, iPhone and reading glasses. But this creates the problem of putting all the wear on only one side of the mattress.
So, I flip the mattress to move the potential "dent" from taking up residence in any one spot . On my own I can manage turning it side-to-side, but need help with top-to-bottom flips.
I woke very early the other morning, because my mind was talking to me. This happens when I particularly good idea or solution to an impasse is coming to fruition. My mind said, "Sleep in the middle of the bed." Still half asleep I dutifully scooched to the center of the mattress. It felt good.
I got up and went into the spare bedroom to fetch two extra pillows. I put those on the bed and got back in. It felt really good.
During the rest of the day I let my mind continue to talk to me about the situation. By the end of the day I realized that I have been, metaphorically, sleeping on one side of the bed for my whole life. I have been holding a space open for a partner, not fully forming my life so I would be able to compromise and flex when the time came to settle down.
The message my mind sent that morning was that it was time to move to the center of my own life. Hearing that gave me immense satisfaction and brought back the old saying, "Wisdom is accepting the obvious."

A happy destination

I finished my taxes yesterday and decided to give myself a treat; time to browse at the library.

And look what was in the mail when I got home!